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Ashley Van Schaeffer©

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Experience. Freedom. Love. Now.©

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Tree Poetry

Wake in the morning to a soft hand in my hair
We exchange smiles
And speak through tiny bits of laughter.
The ceiling fans moan soothes me
While I gaze out the window.
As you melt the buttons off my paisley shirt
Your passion speaks more phrases and clauses
Then we've ever actually spoken...

I make my way downstairs
And out the door for a smoke.
It smells of patchouli and camp fire
With hints of lilac sprinkled like pixie dust
In the area that closes off my heart.
I listen to the frogs chat.
They're sounding off jokes
And better poetry than I've ever written
It seems they know something that I may never grasp.
The trees become my friends
I listen to their conversation
I feel as though they're trying to tell me something
Suddenly I become flushed and extremely self-aware
"I've got to get out of here!"
Is the only thing that pounds off my skull
Like someone knocking at a locked door
I turn swiftly, yet cautiously
My eyes bounce to every angle I can see
Forming a geometrical shape I can't quite identify.
Although I've never known much about math,
I know you are the center of that geometrical gaze
And math, makes me nervous!
The door slides open
And you're standing in the kitchen
Like a giddy child with a brand new toy
I say "I'm gonna go."
You sigh.
I fiend for what will never be said by anyone,
But the trees.

Experience. Freedom. Love. Now.

This Ain't No Love Poem

I wonder what happens
When the desperate goes un-noticed?
When all action,
Has catastrophic re-action
A tsunami devastates the soul
Drowning out the voice of reason
And muffling
All cries for help


This is a letter to the heavens!

I am no longer the angsty teen
I am a woman now
Like a flailing fish
Gasping for air
Begging to be thrown
Back into the tranquil water
To which I belong!

I am a broken record that's being played in reverse.

There are no Band-Aid's for this wound!


Where emotions blend to the piercing sound of breaking ice...
Only on deaf ears.

Answers seem clear
But no one can see through this blinding love.

The back and forth has become the steps to the last dance
In purgatory.

It's dark here.
SO dark.

The blackness consumes like an unwanted hug
Fingertips aren't enough to hold on
Deep breaths become final gasps.

This ain't no fucking love poem!!

Experience. Freedom. Love. Now.

Monday, April 18, 2011


Suddenly I felt the need to
Write feverishly
Like all the things that
Had been swimming menacingly
Inside me gathered at once
to the surface.
When I see pictures of people
During their travels
I feel pulled magnetically, like
Somewhere in my subconscious
We've met on another
Cosmic level.
I want to ride my bike
Across this country
Stopping in all the little
Nooks and crannies of
Mountain sides
Dance naked in waterfalls
And sell bananas on street corners
Make love in the plains and valleys
And get dirty in the Midwest dust.
Earth in all the pores
of my body.
Climb the redwoods and feel
Small to their magnificence!
Shower myself
In the downpour of raindrops
With my head back
Smiling to the heavens
For blessing me
With my Life!
For I am aware of my
I must began at once!!

Experience. Freedom. Love. Now.

Sunny Outside

Darkness, I guess.
When will this end?
The argueing.
The feeling sorry.
The feeling sad.
The wondering.
I'm tired.
Simply, tired.
I'm sick
and bored
And quite honestly, alone.

Write, write, write
They all say
As if this will heal me.
But the dark and twisty
Road that I've been traveling
One heavy foot in front of the other
Has left me dirty
And feeling hopeless.
Sometimes I wonder
If this is all in my head?
And that alone is crazy.
No one understands
This is NOT who I am
Yet, this IS who I am.
Will this define me?
Will I ever be the same?
Well, I guess that
Is a stupid question.
Because I could never be.
Having lived like this
For so long.

Remind me why I am alive
Remind me
Oh, pretty, pretty please...

I feel like I haven't
Got much to say
Or, do I just feel that way?
Questions fill my head
And with only myself to talk to.

What am I doing wrong?
I mean really
This could be a "why me" song
Of sorrow, loss and a general
Grey and cloudy disposition.
But, the sun is always shining outside
And it makes me want to go and play
But here I am
In bed.
In pain.
In tears.
Wondering myself away...

Experience. Freedom. Love. Now.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

the day

Like the changing of the seasons
it's the ebb and flow
Even in the darkness of winter
Beauty continues to grow.
When faced with dying
The mind delves into places once unknown.
What do you do?
180 degree rotation
Re-Welcome Life into your soul
Open the eye that lives In the center
The be-all, see-all
Who will you become?
Reignite the passion that once fueled your being
Let it push you toward the moon
So at least you'll end up
amongst The stars

Experience. Freedom. Love. Now.