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Ashley Van Schaeffer©

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Experience. Freedom. Love. Now.©

Monday, December 19, 2016

Traveled Roads

Who am I?
I ask myself
As if I desire the answer.
Diving deeper
I only discover more questions
More darkness
More struggle
The knots are tighter
The air is thicker
I can hear voices
But can find no faces
I am alone
Perhaps this is how it's done?
If you want to find answers
There is only one
And I know this.
Which is why the daily dose of temptations
Baffles me at times
How is it that I am not stronger?
I seek
Yet I choose wrong---Sometimes...
Is that it?
Is that the teacher?
That cannot be the only route.
Although, it is the road I know best.
I've walked it
Driven on it
Fuck, I've crawled on my hands and knees
Begging to Jesus on Pain's Road.
It is my companion
And maybe that is the problem
This is a solo journey.
I've gotten so used to having
I don't know any other way.

And perhaps that is the point.

My internal GPS needs re-routed.
Pain's Road is a cul de sac.
Life's Road leads somewhere

So, who am I?
I guess I'm someone who desires more
Knows there's more...

But how?
Let the journey begin...
Destination: Unknown


Experience. Freedom. Love. Now.

Sun Chaser

Run, run, run
What do you have
That could make me stay?
Could you offer up something
I've never seen?
Could you be the water
That washes
Finally making me clean?
Cause my past is dirty
And colored with desire
Hands on flesh
Palms on Fire
Breath sometimes comes baited.
What's the question
You really want to ask?
Don't be afraid.
Fear makes my opinion plummet
Take a chance
Win or lose
Learn from it.
So you ready to run?
Not so much
To far away
Sun Chaser
Can't make me stay

Experience. Freedom. Love. Now.

Sunday, May 8, 2016

I'm Wearing An Apron

I want to be the kind of person that bakes cookies for guests and my nieces and nephews.
I want to be the one that gives knowledgeable advice without preaching.
Knowledge about music, art, poetry, the earth, organic food and how to nourish yourself, spirituality, know the words to funny movies, quote philosophers
and have my own words on paper...
I want to be good.
I want to be authentic.
I want to be free.
Freedom from pain, iv's, bad thoughts, insomnia, pain (I said it twice because it's ever present), hospitals...
I want to be me.
I want freedom from whatever has inhabited my body and taken my soul hostage.
I want to bake non-gmo cookies for friends wearing my grandmother's blue flowers apron.

Experience. Freedom. Love. Now.

Monday, November 9, 2015

Focus Your Audio

How could you be such an asshole?
Along came a left wing
Free-spirit girl
She twirled in circles
To her favorite songs
Lost family in Vietnam
And others over seas
And Crohn's disease
What's the bottom line?
As long as you're fine
I bet you'll still complain.
Voice over
Hands waving
Proclaiming all that you "know"
She doesn't see it your way
She's got her own point-of-view
Pain in the eyes
Life that's been lived in
Path to the shore
Ocean's strong
Currants shape and whip
Tiny moments
Make love slip
Into where it fits
Thus is life.
Flower in her hair
Heart on her sleeve
Poet, beatnik, Rock N Roll chick
You can't change or contain her
That's why you'll never forget
Live with no regrets
Sheet music
Shooting stars
All hope
Hey Mister,
How could you be such an asshole?

Experience. Freedom. Love. Now.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

A Real Love Letter

There are so many things to say, yet I feel words can never be enough to describe how I feel.  Which is quite the conundrum for a girl who fashions herself a writer.  I can only say that I hope to show you how much you mean to me by living like you live and like you taught me, by example...
--To not simply exist in the world, a passer-bye, but to make a difference
~That every person matters and so does their story~ No act of kindness too small~ No misstep too great that it must define you~ That strength is found within, along with beauty~ That neither time nor circumstance determines who you are or who you will become~ Only you, and you alone can define yourself...

And that LOVE is the most powerful thing of all.
LOVE conquers all and is the true essence of everything.

Basically, YOU are the most amazing being I know...
A true Goddess, an earth angel
I have been truly blessed not just to call you Mother, but Friend.
I believe--I KNOW-- that our LOVE and our connection has spanned many lifetimes,
many realms and is a true gift from God.
It is the most honest and pure LOVE that there is... Mother and child...
Your constant ability to LOVE unconditionally is my inspiration.
I only hope that I live and LOVE right and enough to make you proud...

Thank you for being you and for all that you've done and continue to do.
                                                  I LOVE YOU,

Experience. Freedom. Love. Now.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Don't Bother

Don't bother
I already know
The way to the end
Of the fork in this road
"The road less traveled"
Doesn't mean what you think
It's just another term
For this one way street

I said don't bother
You're so predictable
I know what you'll say
Before you even say it
You'll try to match me in smarts
A battle of wit
A conundrum of time
A mosaic that doesn't fit

Don't bother
I've been here for too long
The pause and rewind
Of my most hated song
I know all the words
And the beats to the drum break
Lessons learned
Sometimes hard to take

I said don't bother
Without giving it much thought
I wouldn't mind
If you queried
About the battle being fought
And the time,
The time is said
To "draw out like a blade"
Slow and bloody
Like the difference being made

Don't bother
Well, maybe you should
I do and I am
Could if you would

Experience. Freedom. Love. Now.

Thursday, January 29, 2015


The air is so thick
I need it to stay alive
So I keep breathing
But every inhale
Takes with it
A sliver of my whole,

I try to accept
With every moment
That I have left
I try to accept
That foot-heels are all I hear.
Those who pledge love
Do so with baited breath
In essence
Polluting the already
Strangling air.

Yet by cutting ties
I somehow find myself.

We crave what will
Make us suffer.
By nature it seems
We challenge ourselves.

From this moment
I challenge myself
To cut ties
And crave
What will make
Me grow.

Like a tall tree...
Saw off the dead branches
That consume
All nourishment
And thrive,
Toward the sun.

Experience. Freedom. Love. Now.