love letter to a sensitive soul...

To my darling,

     Robin Williams is dead.  He committed suicide.  And I thought, someone that exuded such joy felt so much despair that he did something so drastic, so final, so sad.  And I thought of you and your journey. 

I'm not mad at you.  I've never been mad at you.  I'm angry with the situation, the circumstance. 

See, I studied brain disease.  I have my degree from college in "brain disease" (psychology).  I thought I knew all I needed to know.  Especially because I've had my own struggles with despair and depression... A bit naïve of me, as we must never stop living and learning from every experience life has to offer.

In fact, I diagnosed you properly before the doctors figured it out. 

What I'm trying to say is that just like I have a colon disease, you have a brain disease.  Disease is disease.  And you can't be mad at that!!  I've been trying to sort out my feelings.  It's a struggle between what I know, what I've been taught and what I feel. 

What I know is although you can't change DNA, there is treatment to cope with and manage it.  What I've been taught is that medicine and therapy work if you commit.  And what I feel is that even with the correct medicine and an excellent therapist there will still be bad days.

So with all of this being said, my heart breaks for you. 

I've begged and pleaded for years to get you on the proper medicine and into therapy.  And I think that is what is keeping me silent.  I knew it would come to this!!  And with THAT being said, I also knew that direction could not be shifted until bottom had been reached.  So, all in all I hope that you are there.  And I hope that you commit.  You have an amazing spirit and I would hate to see it crushed by a DNA takeover and improper treatment.  Just like I get shots in my legs every two weeks, you need your medication and therapy.  Disease is disease.

My prayer is that you never feel such despair again and you live a good and happy life! I love you and I want to see you succeed.  You must commit to making your life better!  You can do it!  Seek to make a change.  Life can be, and is amazing! Be well my darling.


Love and Light,
    Van

Experience. Freedom. Love. Now.