In Between Seconds

Helena beat
Dirty feet
Singular seconds
In between
That's where we meet
That's when
I think of you.



Experience. Freedom. Love. Now.

Tree of Life

Forward thinking
Binge drinking
Following the fairies
Into the moon dust
The light is faint
Stumble and bumble
Mumbling something
Along the way
Drowning in your reflection
You're so vain
Swinging from trees
Admiring the giant leaves
The flutter in the breeze
All perspectives
On the tree of life
Peddling forward
Deep breaths constant
In with the good
The air on the way out blows
Wishes on the flowers
They grow in cycles
Like us, I suppose
Positivity
New opportunity
To see things clearly
Not as they were
But as they are
And how it is
So tell me...

                     Who wins??



Experience. Freedom. Love. Now.

All Over The Place

As the sun rose this morning
I awoke and opened my eyes
I thought of change and the differences I've made
In my own life but also the world...

Down.  Down a different path I go
As I stopped so long
At the fork in the road
Held my stomach tightly
As the wind blowed
I never felt so alone.
Years have gone by now
And I've got nothing to show
Just that hand on my belly
And a checklist of  "no's"

So anyway
Get movin' down the road
Slow at first
Disqualified at Go
As I walk alone
I take stock of it all
And realize how much I've got
To change
I don't want to look back
And say
What a waste of space
I want to matter
But matter, as matter
And it's all over the place...

Just like the thoughts in my head
Negative to Positive
Change, change, change
      Change, change, change, change

Learn from these things
Pick up my head
Smile-ing
Like the changing of the leaves
Everything means so much to me
And I've got so much further to go...

Now, now I don't have much to say
Just gotta go ahead and do it all the way
Forget the fork in the road
Going forward the wind still blows...

Inspiration lives in me
The past is history
And now, I decide which way to go
I choose how it's going to be
Gonna make a difference in this world
Just gotta start with me...

I'm not going to look back
And say
What a waste of space
I want to matter
But matter, as matter
And it's all over the place







Experience. Freedom. Love. Now.

love letter to a sensitive soul...

To my darling,

     Robin Williams is dead.  He committed suicide.  And I thought, someone that exuded such joy felt so much despair that he did something so drastic, so final, so sad.  And I thought of you and your journey. 

I'm not mad at you.  I've never been mad at you.  I'm angry with the situation, the circumstance. 

See, I studied brain disease.  I have my degree from college in "brain disease" (psychology).  I thought I knew all I needed to know.  Especially because I've had my own struggles with despair and depression... A bit naïve of me, as we must never stop living and learning from every experience life has to offer.

In fact, I diagnosed you properly before the doctors figured it out. 

What I'm trying to say is that just like I have a colon disease, you have a brain disease.  Disease is disease.  And you can't be mad at that!!  I've been trying to sort out my feelings.  It's a struggle between what I know, what I've been taught and what I feel. 

What I know is although you can't change DNA, there is treatment to cope with and manage it.  What I've been taught is that medicine and therapy work if you commit.  And what I feel is that even with the correct medicine and an excellent therapist there will still be bad days.

So with all of this being said, my heart breaks for you. 

I've begged and pleaded for years to get you on the proper medicine and into therapy.  And I think that is what is keeping me silent.  I knew it would come to this!!  And with THAT being said, I also knew that direction could not be shifted until bottom had been reached.  So, all in all I hope that you are there.  And I hope that you commit.  You have an amazing spirit and I would hate to see it crushed by a DNA takeover and improper treatment.  Just like I get shots in my legs every two weeks, you need your medication and therapy.  Disease is disease.

My prayer is that you never feel such despair again and you live a good and happy life! I love you and I want to see you succeed.  You must commit to making your life better!  You can do it!  Seek to make a change.  Life can be, and is amazing! Be well my darling.


Love and Light,
    Van

Experience. Freedom. Love. Now.

Noodle Soup (4/28/09)

The noodles in my soup have turned into tiny drips of blood.
Maybe the last thing you gave to me...

At least the broth is a mixture of you and me.
Just add water
Bring to a boil
And it BURNS!

I love you in a way
I didn't think I was capable of.
I wish I could have proven that to you.
But I dissolved us as you stirred...
Trying to make it perfect.

Now, I will walk in the sand alone.
I wish
I wish
I wish we could
TOGETHER...


Experience. Freedom. Love. Now.

All Is Well

All Is Well...

Have faith and  you will find that
All is well.
Believe.
Persevere.
Say aloud "All Is Well"...

All really is well...



Experience. Freedom. Love. Now.

Health Care...lessness

Find a way.  I guess that's how it goes?  You just have to persevere and figure it out.  No one seems to have any answers.  Crohn's has no cure.  Pain is present in every second.  How is it possible that there is no solution to this problem... I thought America was the land where you could get help, where you could succeed if you just pound the pavement and never give up... I guess when you grow up you realize that it's not how they said it was going to be (if you're sick).  The narcissists in public office are more concerned about passing these laws without ironing out the details... SO PEOPLE ARE FALLING THROUGH THE CRACKS IN THEIR FAILURES!!  Now what...????????????



Experience. Freedom. Love. Now.